Narcissistic Personality Disorders
Is this true???
May be not. A true narcissist is someone who is having a mental health condition characterized by
√ an unreasonably high sense of importance
√ lack of affinity for others
√ all time attention seeking need or admiration.
√ never satisfied with their relationship.
√ extreme selfishness in expense of others
All this characteristics combined with few others are the features of NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders provides 9 key criterias to qualify someone as a narcissist.
✓ Grandiose sense of self importance
✓ Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, brilliance, power, beauty and ideal love.
✓ They're the most special among the rest and they should associate people with such novelty and higher standards.
✓ cravings for excessive admiration.
✓ sense of prerogatives
✓ lack of empathy
✓ always envy others or believe that others are envious of them
✓ arrogance and superiority complex.
✓ to gain some advantages exploitative behavior.
There's no specific criteria to spot a person with NPD. In a relationship it's very difficult to judge in such a way. But there are few obligations that may help a person to know that his/her partner is a narcissist. The social media love stories that builds up gradually with an effort from day 1. Sometimes it is really difficult to learn a person and to avoid from being in such a relationship.
Persons with NPD shows an excessive concern regarding the person they consider worthy to share time with. Slowly but generously they use their romanticism to possess the time frame of his/her partner. And here starts the conflict. If we classify from stage 1 it proceeds like
Stage 1
They fall in love pretty faster than usual. Within a month of conversation they may start texting you with all the love quotes and romantic messages. Experts call them "Love bombing."
They will make you feel special. They will praise you with generous compliments and will emphasize about how compatible you are with him/her. Even after few dates they will make you believe about the fact that both of you are the best couple in the world.
But, if by any means you disappoint her/him they will turn on you.
Actually, a narcissist will treat you the best or may turn on you. But you have nothing to do with this. Whatever they are doing are as per their own beliefs.
Be aware of such persons who falls in love with such strong emotions at the very beginning of your relationship. May be the lust for to feel loved can engulf your thoughts but REAL LOVE has to be nurtured and grown.
People with NPD will always try to impose some supernatural or heavenly connections in a relationship. *Note that in mind.*
Stage 2
Both of you are now in a relationship and gradually you are having longer conversations. Here you can recognize a NPD person.
They will always talk about their own success stories, achievements or accomplishments with a majestic manner. And if you are a good listener they will grow with their imposition. They actually feel better to show off. They do feel smarter and talented than others because it helps them to be self-assured.
They're too busy to talk about themselves that they often forget to listen about you. They don't feel like to engage in a conversation about you.
How to recognize a person with NPD at stage 2??? Ask them to stop and start talking about your accomplishments and success. Wait for a while to see that if they are involved or not. A narcissist will feel less interested about your story and will start talking about themselves again.
It's a warning brother. Better to move on.
Stage 3
They will wait to hear from you. It's a craving to get admiration from others. They will ask it from you. They will send you pictures (not one but multiple) to get appreciated. If you somehow fail to do so, they will seek for it.
Here lies a difference between a confident people and a narcissist. A person with great confidence will never wait for someone to lift them up. But a narcissist need others to lift them up. They may put others down to show themselves in a higher position.
This sense of generated self-worth will grow in them exponentially and they will need to get appreciated from their partners to satisfy their cravings. It's like a habit.
Stage 4
They will never consider about how others may feel. Narcissist lack the skill to make you feel seen, validating, accepted or understood.
If your partner is bored when you share your struggle, your bad days with them and starts to convert the topic into their struggling stories. It's the high time to say goodbye.
This is reason most of narcissist loose their relationship at the 4th stage. Due to lack of empathy.
Stage 5
You are the ONLY FRIEND.
The most common phenomenon for a narcissist. They don't have any real friends or long term friendship.
As you get involved with the relationship you will find some merely existing casual acquaintances or buddies. Narcissists always avoid a gathering and prefer to be in a lonely place with your presence. They don't feel comfortable with your friends, your colleagues or your family members. They will find something unusual about the others and will try to avoid such meetings. And you do have to follow him/her to avoid any argument.
Stage 6
The Beginning of the apocalypse.
Suddenly you are the most unwanted person for them. They will poke you, or hurt you as their wish. They will lash you with the rough words that is neither related to your behaviour nor your attitude. But they will consider those facts as an important one.
They will start putting you down, call you unrealistic names, smack you with hurtful one liners and many more. Suddenly your friends, family, colleagues all are in her/his radar and they will start believing that you're a cheat.
As a common human nature when you will try to defend and they will tharsh you with rude and insolent words. This is nothing but to grow their self-esteem. They would like to put you down. If you are empathetic then you will try to fix the issues. And here is the winning point for them. They feel a great pleasure by winning an argument with you.
This is the point considered as a trap. They will hurt you again as soon as you are back in the relationship.
Stage 7
The stage of emotional abusing.
A narcissist will start abusing you emotionally. They will start to spin the truth, accuse others, sometimes even his/her family members, start to imagine blatant lies and will make you feel worthless. It is their success to distort you from the reality. You cannot move back at this point cause they will start to blackmail you with lies and truths.
At this stage you will feel something unreal about yourself.
Like,
✓ you will no longer feel like the person you used to be
✓ you feel more anxious and less confident.
✓ you often wonder if you're being too sensitive.
✓ you will always think that every mishap is your fault.
✓ you're the one apologizing everytime.
✓ you can sense that something is wrong but you can't find the way out
✓ you're in a stage of doubt that how to respond to your partner.
✓ you will start loosing your friends and good relations. And you will start to give excuses for your partner.
This is the point your Narcissist partner is gaining over you. Your doubts will make them feel superior.
Stage 8
The stage of disagreement as a disagreement.
They will always try to teach you some truth. Your beliefs, and thoughts are unnecessary and unwanted for them. They don't know how to compromise.
Narcissists will go crazy if you don't fight back. This is a backlash to their ego. The less you fight back, the less you give power to them over you.
As they never think they are wrong they will never apologize.
A good partner is always able to recognise when they've done something wrong.
Stage 9
The stage of break up.
After all those struggles when you finally decide to move on they will start their love bombing on you. You start to feel special again.
But somehow if you manage enough courage to break up then they will start to date others. This is an approach to make you feel guilty and to come back. Another death trap to get into.
Stage 10
If you go back from stage 9 then it's a huge mistake from you. They will take this matter as their winning moment and will lash you often with hurtful words. At this stage if you try to move out. They will try to disregard or disrespect you publicly.
They are the most gracious actors to gain empathy. Their stories will fetch enough audience than the truth. And you will start to loose your respect, you friends and family.
At this stage you must move on cause this is the point of now or never. Experts say this is the stage of GTFO. Unless you are going to experience a horrific life ahead.
Conclusion
You cannot change a person with NPD or make them happy by loving them enough. Even if you change yourself to meet their whims and desires this will not also work. You will never feel tuned with them. You will always feel empty and will regret those moments.
Narcissists can't feel satisfied with their relationships, or any fields of their lives because nothing is ever special enough for them.
The best thing is to cut off all the connections and to move out without any explanation. Offer no second, third or fourth chance to them. The more you grow into such relationship the more you will end up loosing yourself.
Arka Bhattacharya
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